Sunday, May 4, 2008

Mother's Day



I know this is early but I wanted to post it (I may not be by a computer on mother's day). I gave this to my mother a few years ago and everytime I read it, it brings tears to my eyes. Please give this to your mother, sister, friend, anyone you know is a mother.....


This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with oscar mayer wieners and cherry kool-aid saying, "it's ok honey, mommy's here." Who walk around the house all night with their babies when they keep crying and won't stop.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew halloween costumes. And for all the mothers who don't. This is for all the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at football or soccer games Friday night instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, "did you see me?" they could say,"of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it. This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp there feet like a tired 2 year old who wants ice cream before dinner.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't. For all the mothers who read Goodnight Moon twice a night for a year. And then read it again,"just one more time." This is for all the mothers who tought their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for all the mothers whos heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own off spring are at home. This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with a stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to pick them up right away. This is for mother's whose children have gone a stray, who can't find the words to reach them.

For the mothers who bite their lips sometimes until they bleed--when their 14 year olds dye their hair green for the first time. What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 am to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

For all the mothers of the victims of all these school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat infront of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home safely. This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their childrens graves. This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

And mature mothers learning to let go. For the working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. So hang in there. Please pass along to all the moms in your
life. "Home is what catches you when you fall--and we all fall."

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Cure - Just Like Heaven =:x

one of the best songs ever....

Friday, April 18, 2008

Sunday, April 13, 2008

On This Night...


On this night, black as raven, still as the dead, the clouds like ghosts- journey to disclose the pale moon overhead. We greet each other's dark figures secretly in the stale night air.
"Come with me," I say to you as I take you by the hand,"for the night is still young and I want to walk by the ocean to let the moon guide us across the sand."
Your hair, black as raven, as we walk on the shore. The wind begins wailing. The waves start to roar. "I want you to know I'll love you until the sky falls apart," I say. The ghosts up above start to rumble. The water, outraged, lashes out at my feet.
On this night, black as raven, still as the walking dead. The havens start to cry. The world surrounding us is lit with split seconds of day.
With this heart, black as raven, your life in my hands, I take it from you- and walk away lonely- but with the moon (my companion) and my foot prints.
On this night, black as raven, you're still and you're dead. And the clouds like ghosts- journey to disclose the pale moon overhead. And I return as sercretly as I left in the stale night air.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

A Grimms' Fairy Tale


Rumpelstiltskin
By: Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

Once upon a time there was a miller who was poor, but who had a beautiful daughter. Now it happened that he got into a conversation with the king, and to make an impression on him he said, "I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold."

The king said to the miller, "That is an art that I really like. If your daughter is as skillful as you say, then bring her to my castle tomorrow, and I will put her to the test."

When the girl was brought to him he led her into a room that was entirely filled with straw. Giving her a spinning wheel and a reel, he said, "Get to work now. Spin all night, and if by morning you have not spun this straw into gold, then you will have to die." Then he himself locked the room, and she was there all alone.

The poor miller's daughter sat there, and for her life she did not know what to do. She had no idea how to spin straw into gold. She became more and more afraid, and finally began to cry.

Then suddenly the door opened. A little man stepped inside and said, "Good evening, Mistress Miller, why are you crying so?"

"Oh," answered the girl, "I am supposed to spin straw into gold, and I do not know how to do it."

The little man said, "What will you give me if I spin it for you?"

"My necklace," said the girl.

The little man took the necklace, sat down before the spinning wheel, and whir, whir, whir, three times pulled, and the spool was full. Then he put another one on, and whir, whir, whir, three times pulled, and the second one was full as well. So it went until morning, and then all the straw was spun, and all the spools were filled with gold.

At sunrise the king came, and when he saw the gold he was surprised and happy, but his heart became even more greedy for gold. He had the miller's daughter taken to another room filled with straw. It was even larger, and he ordered her to spin it in one night, if she valued her life.

The girl did not know what to do, and she cried. Once again the door opened, and the little man appeared. He said, "What will you give me if I spin the straw into gold for you?"

"The ring from my finger," answered the girl.

The little man took the ring, and began once again to whir with the spinning wheel. By morning he had spun all the straw into glistening gold. The king was happy beyond measure when he saw it, but he still did not have his fill of gold. He had the miller's daughter taken to a still larger room filled with straw, and said, "Tonight you must spin this too. If you succeed you shall become my wife." He thought, "Even if she is only a miller's daughter, I will not find a richer wife in all the world."

When the girl was alone the little man returned for a third time. He said, "What will you give me if I spin the straw this time?"

"I have nothing more that I could give you," answered the girl.

"Then promise me, after you are queen, your first child."

"Who knows what will happen," thought the miller's daughter, and not knowing what else to do, she promised the little man what he demanded. In return the little man once again spun the straw into gold.

When in the morning the king came and found everything just as he desired, he married her, and the beautiful miller's daughter became queen.

A year later she brought a beautiful child to the world. She thought no more about the little man, but suddenly he appeared in her room and said, "Now give me that which you promised."

The queen took fright and offered the little man all the wealth of the kingdom if he would let her keep the child, but the little man said, "No. Something living is dearer to me than all the treasures of the world."

Then the queen began lamenting and crying so much that the little man took pity on her and said, "I will give you three days' time. If by then you know my name, then you shall keep your child."

The queen spent the entire night thinking of all the names she had ever heard. Then she sent a messenger into the country to inquire far and wide what other names there were. When the little man returned the next day she began with Kaspar, Melchior, Balzer, and said in order all the names she knew. After each one the little man said, "That is not my name."

The second day she sent inquiries into the neighborhood as to what names people had. She recited the most unusual and most curious names to the little man: "Is your name perhaps Beastrib? Or Muttoncalf? Or Legstring?"

But he always answered, "That is not my name."

On the third day the messenger returned and said, "I have not been able to find a single new name, but when I was approaching a high mountain in the corner of the woods, there where the fox and the hare say good-night, I saw a little house. A fire was burning in front of the house, and an altogether comical little man was jumping around the fire, hopping on one leg and calling out:


Today I'll bake; tomorrow I'll brew,
Then I'll fetch the queen's new child,
It is good that no one knows,
Rumpelstiltskin is my name.
You can imagine how happy the queen was when she heard that name. Soon afterward the little man came in and asked, "Now, Madame Queen, what is my name?"

She first asked, "Is your name Kunz?"

"No."

"Is your name Heinz?"

"No."

"Is your name perhaps Rumpelstiltskin?"

"The devil told you that! The devil told you that!" shouted the little man, and with anger he stomped his right foot so hard into the ground that he fell in up to his waist. Then with both hands he took hold of his left foot and ripped himself up the middle in two.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

All Children Need A Laptop.....


All children need a laptop. Not a computer, but a human laptop. Moms, dads, grannies and grandpas, aunts, uncles - someone to hold them, read to them, teach them. Loved ones who will embrace them and pass on the experience, rituals and knowledge of a hundred previous generations. Loved ones who will pass to the next generation their expectations of them, their hopes, and their dreams.......

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Some days...


Some days don't you just feel like this....

Monday, March 17, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Cranberries - When You're Gone

=:x

I Did It...


Well I did it. My hair is blonde again and I cut all my bangs off! It's hard for me to stay the same and well with the bangs- it's a new start. My life is so crazy right now I needed it. All I have to say is in the words of Billie Jean, "What's fair is fair." ........

Friday, March 14, 2008

Memphis Weather AGAIN


It's crazy right now. We're having very severe thunderstorms with hail up to 2". It sounds like my windows are gonna break. The picture is not of Memphis but that's what it looked like outside my front door.

Unknown Hinson on today's rock guitarists

The show was great!

Unknown Hinson


I went to see Unknown Hinson last night. It was an awesome show. If you don't know who that is, he does Early Cuyler's voice on the squidbillies (I have a clip from one of the cartoons in my Jan. posts). And yes he really sounds like that. It kicked ass. I hung out with friends, listened to some good music, and had a couple of beers. The only problem was this stupid fucknut drunk guy, well as JWoo put it, "The only shitty part about the show was this one dipshit asshat. He thought he was funny with his fake skullet, measuring tape suspenders and Squidbillies one liners. To this guy I have one thing to say, YOU ARE NOT FUNNY!" I had to quote you J. You said it best. That was an asshat! But over all the show kicked ass......

Animals...





Here's a few more pictures. The rest are on my MySpace.

Still unemployed but I did go to the zoo....


Well I'm still unemployed. I've been looking everyday but still no luck. I've even been looking outside of Memphis. I kind of have to. There's not a whole lot here and if there is I don't really qualify. My whole life is stressed! On the up side, I went to the zoo on Tuesday. It's free between 2 & 4 and since I don't have a job, I got to go. It was a beautiful day, somewhere between 65-70 and there were tons of people there. I haven't gotten to go to the zoo in forever. I had a good time even though it is sad to see them in cages....

Saturday, March 8, 2008

They had a short life......




They were happy little snowmen that met their tragic fate to soon. I will miss you little snowmen.

Fun Times.....






It really happened. Memphis managed to get 6 inches of snow (maybe even alittle more). When I got up this morning the yards where still covered but the streets were fine. My friend Rob and I got out today and played in it. He needed someone to play in the snow with him. I gladly excepted. I had a blast. I wish it snowed more here. I'm not very good at building big snow men so we built little ones instead. Mine is the one that looks normal. His kind of looks like a little pig in the face. A few of the neighborhood kids came by and had a snowball fight with Rob too. I was trying to build my snow man so I didn't participant.(Rob is the one in the pic making a snow angels) Sadly it's all melting and Rob's snowman seems to have taken a nasty fall off the table :( I'll have to share pictures of that too. Thanks Rob for hanging out today and running around town with me. OH I GOT TO DO THAT TOO. Today was the first day I got out of the house in almost 2 weeks. I went and got my new Vampire Count army and some new paints from the bunker. YAY! Now I just have to put them together. Snow and a new army in one day- AWESOME!

Friday, March 7, 2008

It's Really Snowing


I took this standing at my front door (not the greatest picture).I was going to get out and drive today for the first time in almost 2 weeks but when I opened the door it was snowing. That was about 2pm. It's 6:10 now and still coming down pretty hard. We're getting a mix of sleet and snow. I guess I'll see what it looks like in the morning. I wish it wasn't so cold out, I'd go play in it...

CONFINED...


I hate being confined to my house. I feel so frustrated just waiting. Waiting on life, my health, and job to be normal (or as close to normal as anything can be). I'm without a job- thanks for selling us GW, and I can't really get out to look for one yet. I need to get my online portfolio done but my scanner is broken so I have to find a scanner (with all the graphic designers I know you'd think they'd have one but sadly no). Not being in control of your own life sucks! Waiting sucks. I have alot of patience too but a person can only take so much and everything has hit me at once or I guess it's fair to say it's contiuned this way since Januray (one thing after another- I need NORMAL for awhile without any bad things happening).......

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

~Restless Night~


I can't sleep again. I had this issue last night too. I think I finally fell asleep at 12:30 but woke at 3 and then couldn't fall back asleep until 5ish. I'm tired but my mind won't rest. So many thoughts... At least I'm getting better everyday. Slowly I recover. My body is trying to piece it's self back together. I guess time to try again, it's almost 1.



"Colors drained from the day first
then blackness ate from the edges
to the center
shutting down my vision
but not my thoughts
Restlessly tossing
letting my mind pull me
into the surreal
then wandering lost
through slippery landscapes
made entirely of illusions
The sun began pushing
the night from the sky
and my thoughts kept chasing around
in smaller and smaller circles
seeking answers
that fit like a faithful
denim shadow
Hearing from the wind
ghostly exhalations
shadows escaping
and blending into dawn
Answers appear and vanish
only to reappear
covering the illusions
believed to be truths
with clarity"

Monday, March 3, 2008

Happy Eating........


FOOD! You never know how much you enjoy something until you can't have it. I haven't been able to eat real food in almost 2 months. Hummus, wheat bread, lunchables, mac & cheese, and maybe a few other things... that's it. That's what I've been eating for 2months. Over the weekend I was able to enjoy pizza, chinese, mexican and OMG it was wonderful. Being able to eat without throwing up afterwards is a great thing. At this point being able to eat again is almost better than sex. I SAID ALMOST! Happy eating to all :)

Sunday, March 2, 2008


How can something the size of a softball be inside your body and you not know it....

Saturday, March 1, 2008

The Cranberries - Just my Imagination

Ok so here's one more....

The Cranberries - Ridiculous Thoughts

My song for today..... I love the Cranberries

I'm Alive.....


Well I'm alive. I made it thru my surgery. I'm taking it one day at a time and getting better everyday. I'll spare the details of this one but I will say this, I've never woken up from something and thought i was in the worst nightmare of my life. The pain I felt when I woke was unbelievable. All I could say was it hurts so bad, over and over again waiting to wake. But then the nurse said, "you're just waking up from surgery", and i wanted to die.
I've been home Thursday and making small progress everyday. I feel like I've had to start all over again. I can only take small steps and I'm using a cane. I'm getting in and of the bed on my own now but I still need help with some thing. Everything I've taken for granted that I could do by myself before that I can't do now, I'll definitely appreciate it more once I can do it again.
I'll make it. I just have to take it slow and my body lets me know what I can and can't do. BIG THANKS to my mom and Sunni. I couldn't have done as well as I have without their help. Thank you guys.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Goodbye Wisdom Tooth.....


Well one surgury has come and gone. I had the right bottom wisdom tooth cut out yesterday. Let me recap the experience... 1st I had to go to the hospital at 8 o'clock in the morning for some blood work for a surgury I'm having done on Tuesday (I'll explain that later) so they drew blood and sent me on my marry way. I get to the oral surgen's office at 11 am, wait until about 11:40 (my doc had an emergency surgury he had to do so he got a little behind) and then they bring me back. The nurse lady gave me some happy gas while we were waiting on the doctor. I'm not sure what time he got back there but when he did i told him that I was having major surgury Tuesday and wanted to make sure that was going to be ok. He said I should be fine. I showed him where they drew blood earlier so when he put the IV in he tried to go right behind it, all I'm sayin is HOLLY FUCK it hurt like hell. I gripped the chair with my other hand (now that i think about it I might have left nail marks- but I'm not sure). They got the tube in my arm and then statred the drip. About a minute passed and then I was out and then I was awake again with no tooth. Not in a whole lot of pain yet. They called Sunni back there to sit with me while I recoveryed (thank you Sunni for taking care of me yesterday) then her and the nurse helped me to the car. After I got in the car, the pain started. I've never felt anything like that before. Even with the drugs I couldn't fall asleep when I got home and laid down. I just laid there feeling my tooth, thanking God it was just one. Had I had all 4 out I don't think I would have been able to handle it. It hurt even worse when the numbing effect started to wear off. When I woke up today my throat, ear and the gland on my neck under that tooth were killing me. I'm still in some pain but no where near as bad as yesterday. I got to rinse my mouth out with warm salt water and that's making it feel better too. My doctor called to check on me earlier, that was nice of him, making sure everything was ok for now.
Now I'm trying to do everything I'm suppost to so I can be as healed as I can be for Tuesday. Tuesday morning at 5:30 am I will be at Methodist Germantown checking in to have a 9 or 9 1/2cm ovarian cyst removed from my left ovary. It's been causing me to get sick and throw up. Here lately I haven't really been eating much because of it (well that and my nerves-I'm dealing with a lot of things right now and really stressed out). It was only 8 1/2cm but this past Tuesday I had a lot of pain and had to go to the doctor the next morning. They did an ultarsound and it had gotten a little bigger and there was blood in it. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared to death about this. They'll have to make at least a 10cm incesion to be able to remove it and I know I'm going to be in the hospital for at least 2 days, maybe 3 and it's going to take me 4 to 6 weeks to fully recover. They may have to take my ovary too. There's some other stuff going on too but I can't really say right now. When I can I'll update you on that too. My mouth is starting to hurt again so I'm going to try and get some sleep......

Monday, February 18, 2008

extreme funny

Video of the day! I laughed my a@s off.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Mad World

This is my song for the day.........

Good Bye........




For those of you who knew him, Mr. Tilkh passed away yesterday. Happy Valentine's Day to me :( He was only 4 years old. We're not sure what happened to him and we've always taken wonderful care of him. We loved him very much. He acted like he was 4 too. Sometimes he got on my nerves so bad because he would want to go were he wasn't suppose to go. Now, where his cage once was, it's all empty. Looking at those pictures it's hard to believe I got him when he was just a little under a foot from head to tail. He use to hide the flowers on the coffee table or in the plants I put on the wall for him. I miss him already. He was my baby....... Good Bye Mr. Tilkh, I love you!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Mmmmm.... Pirate Boyd


Thanks for the pic J and I just listened to the Rock Lobster song and it made me think about that night we played donkey conga..... good times :)

Mmmmmm..............










I hope this makes you smile thru out your day J! David and Brandon, need I say more.........

I hope everyone has a good weekend. Mine..... well I guess I could say painful. I was in a lot of pain over the weekend and I still am today. I just want all this to be over and back to normal or the closest thing to normal I can get to right now! Oh thanks J for hanging out Saturday. I had fun (and David Bowie, still hot-yay Labyrinth)!!! Having company made me feel better......

Friday, February 8, 2008

Incubus - Dig

ok so i have 2 songs for today

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Here's my song for the day.....

:)

I'm so grateful for my friends and family..... Thank you for all your positive support and prayers. That's all i really have for today. (at least for now)

Thursday, February 7, 2008


How do you handle it when everything that makes you a woman is in jeopardy.....

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Tornadoes......

WEATHER UPDATE:
Tornadoes ripped through Memphis and other parts of the south last nights. I haven't experinced a tornado in a long time. Thankfully the area of town I live in only suffered tons of rain and hail. However the area where I work seemed to be hit pretty hard. It was crazy driving to work today. Finces torn down, some houses missing roofs, trees and power lines down, debris everywhere. It was weird. I'm grateful everyone that I know (at least to the best of my knowledge) is ok. To the families in all the different areas who were not so lucky, my heart goes out to you.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Memphis Weather


It is February right? Memphis weather is crazy!!! It was 75 degrees yesterday with a low of 67 and today it's 76 degrees. BUT tonight it drops back down to the 40s. And tomorrows high is 47. 6 people were out sick yesterday and we only have 12 people that work in this building (I still miss you working here Bobby- it's still not the same). It just seems the weather this year is crazier than it has ever been. Oh well, like they say... If you don't like the weather in Memphis wait 5 minutes and it will change.

Monday, February 4, 2008




de·ter·mine
\di-ˈtər-mən, dē-\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s):
de·ter·mined; de·ter·min·ing
a: to fix conclusively or authoritatively b: to decide by judicial sentence c: to settle or decide by choice of alternatives or possibilities d: resolve 2 a: to fix the form, position, or character of beforehand : ordain b: to bring about as a result : regulate 3 a: to fix the boundaries of b: to limit in extent or scope c: to put or set an end to : terminate 4: to find out or come to a decision about by investigation, reasoning, or calculation 5: to bring about the determination of intransitive verb1: to come to a decision

I am determined.....

Thursday, January 31, 2008

BLOODLETTING !!!

God I haven't thought about this song in forever! it really takes me back.....

Monday, January 28, 2008


Update: WE HAVE HEAT!!!! They did fix it- FINALLY.

Weekends..............



This is how I felt this weekend (not really sorrow, i'm not there yet, more sad and isolated).... what the f*@k is wrong with me.... And we're still without heat in the office. They said it should be fixed today but I'll believe it when I feel it!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Gemini


As spring days into Summer pass, comes Alice through the looking glass. For so I dub this changing elf who to all folk adapts herself; So many-sided, versatile that she is different all the while and like a mirror she reflects whatever mood her world expects. It makes a change; is e'er her song. She's everything but nothing long! In not one thing is she a dunce, she often goes both ways at once. Two minds within one body she, for Gemini means "twins" you see- and twins who never once agree! Oh Gemini, what fun you are, what a bewildering quick change star. You were in front beyond a doubt, when speed and wit were given out. You dazzle men, your airy fay, you beckon all them your way. They love you (though illusions pass) Gemini of the looking glass.
UPDATE: Now it's sleeting. Freaking sleeting and i can't really feel my toes. Now I'm gonna die on the way home....... If you're from here, you know what I mean.

so it's 28 degrees right now in Memphis (feels like it's 20) and we are still without heat in our office. Thankfully our back office is warmer due to the fact there are no windows. So right now as I type this, I'm in my gloves, thick ass coat, a scarf, a sweater, a t-shirt, jeans, pajama pants under my jeans, knee high socks, and a pair of thermal socks. I'm still a little cold but at least it's not as bad as it was yesterday. The problem here is we've been without heat since last Thursday and we were told that it would be fixed by yesterday or today. Has it been fixed, of course not. So I'm forced to go back and fourth between offices so I can stay warm. We had space heaters but now we can't use them because it causes us to blow a fuse. Hopefully it will be fixed by the end of the day so we'll have heat next week. I guess we'll see.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bela Lugosi's Dead

Sorry just listened to this song and i love it, so I'm sharing it.....


white on white translucent black capes
back on the back
bela lugosi's dead
the bats have left the bell tower
the victims have been bled
red velvet lines the black box
bela lugosi's dead
undead undead undead
the virginal brides file past his tomb
strewn with time's dead flowers
bereft in deathly bloom
alone in a darkened room
the count bela lugosi's dead
undead undead undead

oh bela
bela's undead

Good Morning


Even though i woke up late, I woke up in a great mood today. Good morning everyone!!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

P.S.A. from Early Cuyler

I love the Squidbillies.....

Friday, January 18, 2008

Life

Life is a funny thing. To get thru it sometimes is hard enough BUT to live life and truly be happy, that makes it something so different.
Life is precious and you only get one to live. Enjoy every moment and always smile. If you're not happy then change it.....

"Dancing in the moonlight.
Dancing nude in the pale moon skies.
Hair flowing down her back,
caressing her body as she gently moves.
Moving in splendor, the rain starts to fall.
The rain makes her body glisten with moisture.
All sculptured curves showing.
Arms twisting and swirling in a gentle motion.
Laughing at her own excitement she has caused.
Laying down, the rain splashes on her forehead,
to her temples.
Her hair all wet and matted down.
Starring at the full moon.
Laying there for an eternity, or so it seems,
the wet grass against her skin.
Wishing it would rain forever."

(I entered this poem in a contest at poetry.com and it won editor's choice and it got published in a book. I've never had anything published before, it was pretty cool.)