CONFINED...

I hate being confined to my house. I feel so frustrated just waiting. Waiting on life, my health, and job to be normal (or as close to normal as anything can be). I'm without a job- thanks for selling us GW, and I can't really get out to look for one yet. I need to get my online portfolio done but my scanner is broken so I have to find a scanner (with all the graphic designers I know you'd think they'd have one but sadly no). Not being in control of your own life sucks! Waiting sucks. I have alot of patience too but a person can only take so much and everything has hit me at once or I guess it's fair to say it's contiuned this way since Januray (one thing after another- I need NORMAL for awhile without any bad things happening).......

~Restless Night~

I can't sleep again. I had this issue last night too. I think I finally fell asleep at 12:30 but woke at 3 and then couldn't fall back asleep until 5ish. I'm tired but my mind won't rest. So many thoughts... At least I'm getting better everyday. Slowly I recover. My body is trying to piece it's self back together. I guess time to try again, it's almost 1.



"Colors drained from the day first
then blackness ate from the edges
to the center
shutting down my vision
but not my thoughts
Restlessly tossing
letting my mind pull me
into the surreal
then wandering lost
through slippery landscapes
made entirely of illusions
The sun began pushing
the night from the sky
and my thoughts kept chasing around
in smaller and smaller circles
seeking answers
that fit like a faithful
denim shadow
Hearing from the wind
ghostly exhalations
shadows escaping
and blending into dawn
Answers appear and vanish
only to reappear
covering the illusions
believed to be truths
with clarity"

Happy Eating........

FOOD! You never know how much you enjoy something until you can't have it. I haven't been able to eat real food in almost 2 months. Hummus, wheat bread, lunchables, mac & cheese, and maybe a few other things... that's it. That's what I've been eating for 2months. Over the weekend I was able to enjoy pizza, chinese, mexican and OMG it was wonderful. Being able to eat without throwing up afterwards is a great thing. At this point being able to eat again is almost better than sex. I SAID ALMOST! Happy eating to all :)

How can something the size of a softball be inside your body and you not know it....

The Cranberries - Just my Imagination

Ok so here's one more....

The Cranberries - Ridiculous Thoughts

My song for today..... I love the Cranberries

I'm Alive.....

Well I'm alive. I made it thru my surgery. I'm taking it one day at a time and getting better everyday. I'll spare the details of this one but I will say this, I've never woken up from something and thought i was in the worst nightmare of my life. The pain I felt when I woke was unbelievable. All I could say was it hurts so bad, over and over again waiting to wake. But then the nurse said, "you're just waking up from surgery", and i wanted to die.
I've been home Thursday and making small progress everyday. I feel like I've had to start all over again. I can only take small steps and I'm using a cane. I'm getting in and of the bed on my own now but I still need help with some thing. Everything I've taken for granted that I could do by myself before that I can't do now, I'll definitely appreciate it more once I can do it again.
I'll make it. I just have to take it slow and my body lets me know what I can and can't do. BIG THANKS to my mom and Sunni. I couldn't have done as well as I have without their help. Thank you guys.